Ho(s)tel

At the recent OBW 2005, old boys returning to Ipoh were put up at several of Ipoh's luxurious hotels - Syuen, Casuarina and Excelsior. The 4/5 star hotels had well-appointed rooms and various facilities and amenities to cater for your every need. For OBW 2006, we will most probably make arrangements with the same hotels for returning old boys, at their own expense, of course.

But let's take a minute to reflect on WHY we actually go to the reunion. The OBW is meant to be a time to meet old friends & teachers at the school as well as re-live old times through reminiscences and physical experiences. In this regard, wouldn't you think it's somewhat cheating if, after the Grand Dinner, you go back to sleep in your king-sized bed with Dreamland mattress in a climate-controlled air-con room? Why don't old boys sleep at the school? Now, I know this may be a hard-sell, especially to those of us who have become accustomed to the good life, but I think with the right marketing strategy and product spin, STAROBs will be falling over themselves to stay at the dorms.

So, without further ado, gentlemen, I present for your consideration my brochure for The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons!

Accommodation
The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons has arguably the largest bedrooms in any hotel or resort in the world. We call them staterooms. Studies have shown that the single traveller often feels lonesome when in a new and unfamiliar bedroom. The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons has solved this problem by thoughtfully putting 20 guests in one stateroom.

Satisfied guest surveying an airy stateroom

Luxury beds

Never worry about your bedmate's stray arm or leg hitting you in the middle of the night. The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons provides every guest with one single, 7’x3' bed each so you have your own private sleeping space. Sedap brand mattresses are used to give crucial back support - you'll feel as if you are floating on sponge. If it's Sedap, how can it be "tak sedap"?

In-room dining
While other hotels only offer tea & coffee making facilities in-room, The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons provides all guests with a combination water boiler, instant-noodle cooker and cigarette lighter to meet all their cooking/smoking needs:


When it's time to dine, why use bone china when you can have the finest multi-purpose plastic receptacles?

The Chez Bok

The Chez Bok can be used to cook and eat your Mamee or Maggi instant noodles (mee sold separately at the Ho(s)tel’s gift shop, Le Ko-op). When nature calls a few hours later, the Chez Bok doubles as your own portable bidet (The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons is a staunch supporter of sustainable logging and thus does not supply toilet paper to guests).

Spacious attic

The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons is perhaps the only hotel in the world that provides attic storage, with easy access, for all guests. The attic also doubles as a Panic Room, when guests wish to avoid that irritating certain someone in a hurry.

Recreational facilities
The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons has a combination football-sepak-takraw court / badminton hall / hurdles track at all ground-floor staterooms. The sturdy railing-net eliminates the possibility of the net/hurdle being torn or knocked down, ensuring a longer and more robust game.

Arrows show trajectory of the ball/shuttlecock/hurdler

Traditional massage
Old boys Bagak* and Mary* have generously offered free massage services to all STAROBs staying at the Ho(s)tel – all they ask is to be alone with you in the massage room, and that they be the ones who choose their clients. Bagak and Mary have distinct massage styles, one strong and aggressive, the other gentle and passive. We’ll leave you to find out who gives which type!

Rates
As the The Ho(s)tel STAR 6 Seasons only opens for 2 nights in a year, places are limited. Beds will be auctioned off on eBay at a reserve price of RM300 per pax per 3D/2N package. Only the privileged few will be able get rooms. Don't lose out - bid well, and bid high!

Notes and disclaimers:

* Fictitious characters. Any resemblance or similarity in name to anyone living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental. i.e. If you're one of the hundreds of guys whose nickname is Bagak or Mary, jangan perasan - we're not talking about you!)